Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Why Didn't I Get a Million Dollars?

I remember when the comedian Dennis Miller got his own show. There was a guy who had a gift of gab, I mean, really, he could run a string of words at you so fast you sometimes didn't get the joke till the next day. It was like word-jazz or something, Coltrane-esque sheets of language splashing, cutting, buzzing around your ears. Obviously an exceptionally intelligent guy. I don't know what his political opinions were before 9/11, but after that moment he emerged as a hawk for the Iraq war and a big Bush supporter.

I remember thinking, this poor guy is going to have the smallest audience in the world: people who are smart enough to understand him, who are also pro-Bush.

You notice he's off the air now.

Picture that Venn diagram, where his audience is the part where the two circles overlap. Turned out that part wasn't very big.

Well, it looks like Mary Cheney has put herself into the same kind of Venn-sliver. A pro-Bush lesbian -- oh, I'm sure everybody's going to relate to that. All Bush supporters and all lesbians are sure to run right out and buy her new book ... right? Mmm, no, not the union of the sets, the intersection, generously defined. How about if all lesbians who can stomach the administration and all Bush supporters who can tolerate lesbians bought the book?

The Advocate is reporting that the book isn't selling all that well:
Despite saturation media coverage when it was published a month ago, Mary Cheney's book Now It's My Turn has tanked at bookstores. Published by a conservative imprint of Simon & Schuster, the memoir has sold fewer than 6,000 copies to date, according to Nielsen Bookscan.

The book's sales have declined in each of the four weeks since its release, to only 574 copies sold for the week ending June 3. That's 77% fewer than its first-week sales of 2,445.

At this rate, it will be virtually impossible for Simon & Schuster to recoup the reported $1 million advance it paid Cheney for the book, which describes her life as the gay daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney.

Six thousand copies???

Listen, my book on particle swarm optimization sold more than that.

She got a million-dollar advance?

4 Comments:

Anonymous Tish said...

Jim, Jim, Jim, my friend. So wise in the ways of swarming particles; so innocent in the ways of swarming politicoes.

If YOUR father had been pumping birdshot into lawyers when you were writing your book, I am sure that some publisher would have felt compelled to give you a big advance - just in case, you know?

June 13, 2006 4:42 PM  
Blogger Orin Ryssman said...

Tish writes,

If YOUR father had been pumping birdshot into lawyers when you were writing your book, I am sure that some publisher would have felt compelled to give you a big advance

Really quite funny...yes, and not just ANY father, but a father that also happens to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency of the United States (though I will refrain from commenting on the reliability of that heart...tick, tick, tick).

Anyways, Jim writes,

I remember when the comedian Dennis Miller got his own show. There was a guy who had a gift of gab, I mean, really, he could run a string of words at you so fast you sometimes didn't get the joke till the next day. It was like word-jazz or something, Coltrane-esque sheets of language splashing, cutting, buzzing around your ears.

Have you, or anyone else for that matter ever watched the CBS News program Sunday Morning? They use to have the writer John Leonard (writes for the Nation, and other pubs) doing an on-air commentary on the state of cultural affairs. Anyway, I always made sure to sit down and concentrate when his turn was up because his commentaries were so well tightly and well written that I felt as if I had been "hit" by a verbal/rhetorical UZI or AK-47. Dazzling is an adjective that comes to mind in attempting to describe Leonard. Sorry to say though that he no longer is apart of the line-up, though I think it was his choice.

I don't know what his political opinions were before 9/11, but after that moment he emerged as a hawk for the Iraq war and a big Bush supporter.

As I recall, when he was on SNL he struck me as a bit iconclastic...

I remember thinking, this poor guy is going to have the smallest audience in the world: people who are smart enough to understand him, who are also pro-Bush.

You notice he's off the air now.


I think it is more a function of the fact that such a schtick (right or left) has a limited shelf life.

She got a million-dollar advance?

Is it fair? Nope...more anon.

June 14, 2006 5:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She got the advance because the publisher thought her story might sell. It's not unfair. She got a lot of undesirable attention because of her family ties, so why shouldn't she also be able to capitalize? Resentment is part of the dying European culture. Here in America, we rejoice with those who have good fortune.

Triple Lutz

June 14, 2006 6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, man, just like Ann Coulter is rejoicing with the 9/11 widows.

Keep spinning and maybe you'll land a quadruple lutz one of these days.

June 15, 2006 6:14 PM  

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